Nature is boss.

A captive African Grey parrot has amazed researchers by displaying a huge vocabulary and the ability to contextualise words and phrases, as well as a sense of humour. When it met Jane Goodall it asked her "Got a chimp?"

This pales in comparison to the storytelling ability shown by a captive male Gorilla (mate of the more famous but less communicative Coco), who was able to describe memories of being taken from his family in the jungle, arriving in America, and how he felt about it, using sign language.

In tests to determine levels of primate intelligence, Orang Utans have been seen picking locks with screwdrivers, which they hide when a keeper comes into view. Is anything more human than deceit?

A Leatherback Turtle that had been electronically tagged was shown to have swum over 8000 miles, from South America to the coast of Cornwall, then back to lay eggs. Male Leatherbacks never leave the ocean, and simply swim around the world their entire lives.

Ravens can repeat words and use basic tools.

A Right Whale's penis is twelve feet long and prehensile. A Giraffe's is four feet long with an elbow-like joint in the middle. When Herring spawn, the sperm forms a thick layer on the surface of the water which can spread across miles of coastline like a huge yellow oil slick.

Komodo Dragons can tell when a Deer is due to give birth and will follow it around until it does, then scoff the baby. And the mother.

Some people find wildlife boring. There is a word for these people, but I decided a while ago I wasn't going to use it on here.

Sick

I finally went to the Natural History Museum. It's amazing. The giant sloth skeleton alone would be worth the admission price, if it wasn't free. Easily the best thing I've seen in my life. One gripe though. In a small display called "how you can help the environment" or some shit, a list of green businesses and charities. Among them, British Airways. What, I wonder, could BA possibly be doing to offset the monumental environmental damage that their business by it's nature causes every day? It must be something pretty huge for them to compensate for causing more air pollution and ozone depletion than any other mode of transport, for encouraging the building of yet more runways over Britain's precious grasslands and marshes, for killing birds indiscriminately on every flight. To make up for all this, plus enough on top for them to be listed as a Green organisation. Wow. But further information was not forthcoming in the museum, in any of the literature I picked up, or later on either the NHM or BA's websites. Then I came outside and saw it. The Natural History Museum- primary sponsor, British Airways. Make no mistake, this is on a par with "The Sun presents A History of Feminist Art" or "The Holocaust Museum sponsored by IBM". It sticks in my craw so it does. On a similar note, have you seen "Extinct" on ITV? OMG. Can that joke of television channel not produce anything that doesn't include crap celebrities and a telephone vote? Coming soon- "A Matter of Life and Death". Who will win the jackpot and receive life saving treatment, who will be performing for the final time? Will it be Jade Goody's teenage leukemia sufferer, or Jake from Hollyoaks's AIDS patient- that's good AIDS of course.
Just you wait, it will happen.

Sorry if this post doesn't read very well. I'm knackered.