The funniest things I've ever overheard

"People go on about drink being bad for you but my Nan was an alchoholic and she lived to be fifty-five"- A young girl on the bus from Runcorn.

"Proper boss tunes at Smiths on a Thursday la" Same bus, different day.

"My band were the best in their day... it was me, Liam Gallagher, Tim Burgess and Richard Ashcroft" A massive liar in the queue for some gig in Manchester.

"...he said are you calling me a fucking fanny? I said yeah I am, well actually no, you're not a fucking fanny cos if you were a fanny I'd have shagged you and you're not worth fucking shagging" Can't remember where I heard this but it was said, unsurprisingly, by a scally.

"You big... fat... KNOBHEEEEAAAAADDD!!!!" Some woman to some bloke, heard from my window in Kensington at 3am.

"Eh, at least he supports Everton" A child playing football in the street, talking about me- no doubt in response to some less favourable comments that his playmates had been passing.

"Alright then, fuck off, fishy fanny!" A very young boy (under 10) to a girl the same age in Chester.

Oh God, where are you now?

I have no money. My student loan has still not come in and I'm way over my overdraft limit. Despite the friendly tone that Halifax employees have taken when speaking to me, the word "blacklist" has cropped up in conversation. I have no phone cos I can't pay the bill. I'm terrified that my last rent cheque is going to bounce. If anyone would like to donate some money to the cause of keeping me alive and sheltered, please email me for my paypal details. There may be more deserving causes in the world, but they won't pay you back and I will.

Oh well, it was worth a try.

Better news- I have a really cool new house, and really cool new housemates. I'm doing alright at uni. Everton seem to be turning things around. The Ivory Billed Woodpecker has been rediscovered in Alabama.

I've been working at Oxfam in Frodsham and I have pretty much sole control over pricing the records. This very small bit of power is already starting to go to my head. If you've been in there lately then yes, that Johnny Mathis album is worth £6.99 second hand, it's on ebay for twelve in worse condition. I'm slitting me own fwoat ere, gav'ner.

Volunteer work when I'm skint- how good a person am I? See my aforementioned request for donations.

More sad news I'm afraid- Silverdollarcircle is calling it quits. It seems like he means it too, believing the blog to have run its course, which is fair play i suppose. I'd like to thank Simon for entertaining and educating me over the last three years, turning me on to some really good new music as well as supplying me with a few new readers from his frankly enormous fanbase. I hope that he'll continue to keep the masses happy with his staggeringly good style of writing.