Indie pop picks up it's broken glasses and wipes the blood from it's pathetic face

The Wildhearts/ Therapy?, Liverpool Carling Academy

Certain things will always make you feel good. A warming shaft of sunlight falling through the window, for example. Or a Wildhearts gig. Any soul that isn't roused by their brash, unapologetic, chorus-driven rock n' roll must be seriously deficient in something important. Many try to emulate their style (opening act The Glitteratti, for example), but nobody else gets it quite this right. The main set tonight is dominated by songs from the recent "...Must be destroyed" album, which I must confess to being unfamiliar with, but what really grabs tonight is just how tight the band sound. Sometime bassist/ full time smackhead Danny appears to have run out of last chances, but his replacement (John something-or-other) fits right in, gelling incredibly well with CJ and prodigal drummer Stid. It's great to see the Wildhearts back, and the amount of new material played tonight suggests that they are once again a creative force, something that at one time seemed impossible (although a few more songs from "Earth versus" would not have gone amiss!). It is obvious from Ginger's response, however, that tonight was at best an average Wildhearts gig, which is still better than 90% of other bands playing their best gig ever. Catch them on a good night, and they will still be truly mind blowing.

Earlier in the evening, old warhorses Therapy? turned in an exciting and heartwarming set, dominated by the hits (yay!) but featuring some excellent-sounding new material. Like most people I lost track of their music after the "Semi-detached" album, but after tonight I look forward to catching up on it.

Best Songs- The Wildhearts "Greetings from Shitsville", "Nita Nitro", "Caprice", Therapy? "Isolation", "Teethgrinder", "Screamager".

Most pleasant surprise- The Wildhearts "Jonesing for Jones"

Most glaring omission- The Wildhearts "Suckerpunch"

Haiku

Joe has put a Haiku on his blog. I love haikus, so here are some of mine-

What part of fuck off
Do you not understand mate?
Please leave me in peace

Liverpool FC
Think that they should win the league
Ha ha fucking ha

Guided by voices
Are going to break up soon
I am feeling sad

Isn't English a beautiful language?

Post-squash towel-flicking, blog style

Paul
has started writing his blog regularly again, and he's been posting some great stuff. Shame the boy hasn't got with the program and installed a new comments page. Never mind, if you like comedy misunderstandings you'll love the story of his mate dreaming about meeting Everett True... honestly.

Btw, I'm not about to slit my wrists over GBV, just down a bottle of red and sing tearily along to the greatest album ever made, Alien Lanes. 1,2,3... disarm the settlers...

Part of a nation mourns

I've just found out that Guided By Voices are to disband after their next album and tour. Anyone who knows me will know that this will come as an absolutely crushing blow- for several years now I have been worshipping at the altar of Robert Pollard and his surreal lo-fi indiedelica. Of course, I've always known that this day was coming- Pollard's no spring chicken, and he's always said that he won't keep going forever. At this present moment, I feel as if I've been told that an elderly but much loved relative has got a terminal illness (after all, they haven't quite passed on yet!)- sad, a little numb, a sense of the inevitable- but the overriding feeling is simply a nice warm glow that comes from having been a part of something really special. I feel truly priveledged to have seen and heard this wonderful band at their creative peak. Anyone who's unfamiliar with their music, please click on the link to your right- and anyone who thinks you can't compare a band splitting up to the loss of a family member, I'm sorry but you just don't get it.

More GBV related posts to follow.

The Shins

I haven't written anything here for a while, mainly because I've been really busy... in fact I've been busy out of all proportion to the amount of work I've had to do, because of leaving everything to the last minute.
Basically, I had three assingments due in on Monday which counted for 50% of the module mark. It was set about four weeks ago. On Sunday, I decided to "make a proper start" on it... and realised I didn't have the necessary information to do it. Monday morning, I arrive at university in a state encroaching on blind panic to write three pieces of work in a few hours. I get up to the library and find everyone on my course doing exactly the same thing. Why do we do this to ourselves? I thought by now I would have grown out of this sort of thing, after all, I'm supposed to be a mature student. I'm doing this course because I want to, not because anyone's making me, and it's taken me a lot of time and money to get onto it. It feels as I regressed at least five years the moment I walked through the university doors- I stopped being a man and returned to being the lazy, unmotivated adolescent who can't work unsupervised and needs a kick up the arse before he starts anything.
Anyway, I managed to hand in something (not sure what but it was something) before the campus centre closed, and I even got away in time to see The Shins in Manchester, the first really good gig I've been to (apart from ATP) since Guided by Voices last September. The Shins really were great, their pop melodies seemed to acquire a raw edge when performed live, and their stage presence was far greater than I'd imagined it would be. I left with a warm "good gig" feeling that I haven't had for ages... really glad I got to see them at the Hop and Grape cos they won't be playing venues that small again.
Co-headliners The Stills were far less impressive. They sound a lot like U2, and modern day U2 at that... the U2 that wants to sound like Radiohead, but actually just sounds like Muse. There was another band on (Dios), but typically I missed most of their set, though what I caught sounded interesting enough. On the whole not a bad night for £8, especially at today's prices.
Maybe I'll learn to manage my time a little better, so I can write more blog entries and see more support acts... I wouldn't count on it though.

Wack Francis

It's just been brought to my attention that not only are they playing at "v", but the Pixies are also supporting the worst band in the known universe, the stereo-fucking-phonics. Clearly time, smack and pies have done for whatever sense of judgement they might have once had. They're going to have to play really fucking well to make up for this.

Good things come in small pachyderms.

There is a new baby elephant at Chester Zoo. This is, of course, wonderful news- since breeding the first ever zoo-bred Asian elephant in the seventies, Chester has led the way in the captive breeding program, enjoying success after success with new calves, only slightly overshadowed by the sad death of Karha in 1997. A new addition to this threatened species is always a joy, especially when it comes in such a cute shape. However...

The circumstances surrounding this particular birth are unsettling to say the least. One reason for this is that the mother was born in 1999. Elephants are usually not sexually mature until about 10-15 years old. They gestate for at least eighteen months. Much like a certain election in Florida, this clearly does not add up. To make matters worse, the baby's father is the mother's grandfather. Yes. This sort of thing probably does go on in the wild, but when it happens right in front of you in the zoo it's fairly distressing. I guess this is why the zoo vet attempted to abort the pregnancy twice- it's surprising that the mother survived the conception, never mind the birth. However, the abortion failed, the mother survived, and the calf appears to be normal. So hey, check it out, the zoo's got a new attraction! Ahh, aint it sweet! Just as well that

a) Asian Elephant gene pools do not work in the same way as humans, and the baby has no obvious tendencies toward backwards baseball cap clad banjo picking.

b) No irresponsible person has posted hushed-up information on the internet that could portray the zoo in a bad light.

Would you rather?

My housemate, the infamous Royal Hoop, and I have a game that we like to play in the pub, during the boring bits of televised football matches, over breakfast etc. It's called "would you rather?", and basically entails coming up with the wildest, most revolting and/or far fetched dilemmas you can think of. A favourite of ours is, "would you rather mow the entire pitch at the Bernebau stadium with your mouth while Raoul holds you in the wheelbarrow position, or eat Louis Figo's head?" It's good fun for anyone who shares our "mushy food and no sharp implements" sense of humour (does anyone?), and the possibilities are endless. A pub game of more practical use is called "I've never". In this, you go round the group and everyone has to make a statement beginning with "I've never..."- anyone in the group who has done the thing that you've never done has to take a sip of their drink. For example, if someone says, "I've never performed anal sex", anyone on the group who actually has performed anal sex has to take a sip. It's useful for finding out which of your mates have been with prostitutes, done spit-roasts etc.

Have a look at

The urban dictionary

, it's pretty funny. Check out my definitions of "Red Shite", "Scouser" and "Gypo"- and please don't be offended.

Guest contributor- Tommy Lee

"Shit, dude? So how ya been? Man, I am so totally stoked about the new Motley album. These last fourteen years have been tough, you know, with alternative rock happening, and like hip hop and shit, but we stuck it out, ya know, we fuckin stuck together through all the shit and we're all the better for it, ya know, we never lost our vision, and now it's our time again. The public are beginning to appreciate good old fashioned dirty rock and roll again, and we're just lucky to have all our band members still alive, and still full fuckin flame on, dude. Dude!

So I just wanna thank our millions of loyal fans who stuck with us, even when we were releasing records that sold like 50 copies, and playing empty arenas. Well, your patience has been rewarded, baby, cos the Crue are back, and this time we won't let you down!!

So anyway, the other day I run into that chick, you know, what's-her-face, my wife, and she's pretty pissed at me, cos the other day we had this fight, and she's like, you're so not getting a tattoo on your dick, and i'm like, fuck you man, nobody tells me what to do, and like, it was self-defense, dude. So anyway, she was at the Malibu club on thursday, and that fucker Vince, man, like, grabs her ass? And she's like, you'd better quit, man, cos Tommy's gonna be pissed, you know? Fuckin-A right I'm gonna be pissed. So i walk into the studio next day, and the first thing I see is that fat fuck, sitting there looking like he thinks the sun shines outta his fat ass. So I'm like, dude, leave my wife the fuck alone, dude! And he's all like, fuck you man, and I'm like, no, fuck YOU man! So I'm out the door and off to see my buddy Schloe, ya know, to score some brown, even though I don't do drugs as such anymore man. So anyway, later that night I'm in Bunny's, having a beer, and I run into Bobby J from The Crazy Angels, and he's all like, dude, I got the gig with Motley Crue! And I'm like, but dude, I'm the drummer in Motley Crue! Oh shit.

So anyway, it's all good, cos I got me a new band now. We're called Bridegrooms Of Lunacy, man, and we so rock on like, a totally alternative tip, man, kinda like Pearl Jam meets Nine Inch Nails, with all kinda crazy hip hop beats thrown into the mix man. So I'm like, fuck the Crue, man, those guys were holding me back anyhow, with all that glam-rock dinosaur shit. It's fuckin 2004, man! Oh yeah, and I'm getting married again on Monday, man, and i'm so in love this time, man, this chick is incredible, blonde hair, big tits, and... uh, anyway, I'm totally stoked, man, for now. Dude!

Oh yeah, Dunc says he'll be back tomorrow, man!"

Garbage Festival

I've just seen the line up so far for Reading/ Leeds 2004- and boy am I disappointed. We were promised AC/DC and the Beastie Boys, and we're getting The White Stripes, The Darkness and Green Day. Now I've nothing in particular against these bands (The White Stripes are actually quite splendid), but talk about an uninspired choice! Is anybody not thoroughly sick of seeing Green Day every other year? And what in the name of Satan are the Pixies doing playing at Richard Branson's sofa-buyer's school trip the "V" festival? I know Reading isn't what it once was, but if ever a festival was made for a band... but I guess they'd rather nonce about fifth on the bill behind David Gray or the Chili Peppers or whatever pile of supermarket-friendly radio-wank has taken the Branson shilling this year. Sad.

Actually, I'm not too fussed because if the bill's shit I won't feel that I have to go. And I don't really want to all that much. I've been to what's now known as the Carling weekend seven times since 1995 and I don't mind the campsite or toilets- you learn how to deal with the crappy facilities and keep yourself clean once you've been there a few times. What I can't be doing with is the ridiculous commercialism, the profusion of piss-boring bands and the increasing abundance of what I would call "knobheads". A good description of a knobhead would be- big red faced pisshead wearing burberry/ fcuk/ England shirt, playing the Stereophonics from his tent all day whilst shouting abusive comments at passing women. In other words, the type of person I have to deal with every time I go for a pint or walk through town, and go to music events expressly to avoid. The type of person you didn't used to get at Reading when it was Reading.

I've just come back from All Tomorrow's Parties, and although the pretension level was off the chart at times, and a number of the bands had, as my ladyfriend Lara put it, "forgotten to invite Mr. Tune", the overall experience was made far more enjoyable due to the almost complete absence of knobheads (although I noticed Mogwai brought a few, cheers lads). I hope it can continue this way- given the obscurity of much of the line up I think it's likely to!

Of course, if you want the consummate festival experience this summer there's only one choice and that's munkyfest- munkyfest.co.uk, 'nuff said I think!

Oh yeah...

Here's a couple blogs you should check out-

Pauls Stearne and Rafferty, both members of NOFX-style ska-punkers Victor FME (ha ha) have a couple of good spots between them. Paul S's is wickedly funny, while Paul R's is highly informative and very cool, plus he bigs me up.

The lovely Pramila's is always well worth a look, extremely witty social commentry from Bombay, some great links too.

Terms and conditions

It just occurred to me while I was creating my blog- how many people ever actually read the terms and conditions of things they sign up to? I know I never do. For all I know I could have signed my worldly possessions, eternal soul and anal virginity over to the Nazi pedarest's league (Microsoft division). Ah well.

This is it...

So this is blogging... hey, this isn't so bad! I resisted getting a blogspot for some time, for several reasons. Primarily because I've read a number of other people's and most of them, without being too rude, are a pile of shit, and I have no real reason to believe that mine will be any different. The brilliant spoof-newspaper The Onion (kind of like an american version of Private Eye) features a columnist called Jean Teasdale, an overweight, unemployed, uneducated midwestern woman to whom nothing of note ever happens, yet who gets to write a 500 word column about her life every month. The joke, of course, is that nobody in their right mind would give such a person printing space. The beauty of the internet, of course, is that it gives every Jean Teasdale with access to a computer unlimited space to air their misinformed, inconsequential and deluded opinions. And why not? We're clearly a nation of misinformed, inconsequential and deluded people, and if everyone else gets to spout bullshit in public I'm going to as well. I don't know whether anyone will read it or not, but I guess that's neither here nor there...

Check out www.theonion.com for a better idea of what I'm on about.